Milestones

CONGRATULATIONS, MUTYA!

Greg S. Castilla

Dear Mutya,

It was soggy. It was blustery. We were all wearing disposable plastic ponchos. It was the University of Washington commencement ceremonies at the Husky Stadium. Nanay and Ate Laya were there. Tito Ricky, Tita Tic and Tito Dave came just before the start of the ceremonies. Tita Odette, Ate Dimples, Kuya Lari and Karl were there to cheer for you. So was Brian. We were all excited to get a glimpse of you from where we strategically positioned ourselves. But our excitement turned into disappointment when your batch paraded instead across the oval directly opposite us. But it did not dampen our spirit. After all, it was your graduation. And yes, Frankie tried hard to take a picture of you from afar.

When your Ate Laya graduated from college three years ago, I wrote her a letter that was published in this same column. My advice to her was: The ultimate responsibility of whatever choice you make lies in yourself. No one else.

I want to leave you with the same advice.

The world that you will face is the same world that you have already known. There are lovers, there are haters. Some are rich, many are poor. Some are helpful, others are opportunists. You will be lucky at times, sometimes you won’t be. Opportunities will sometimes be on you side, but not always. But I feel confident that you are armed with the knowledge and the insights to shape whatever may come your way. I have no doubt that you are optimistic enough to view the glass as half-full, rather than half-empty.

In grade school, you never wavered in your desire to climb the monkey bars, even if it meant your upper lip being busted as a result of you falling. In junior high, you were so determined to join the basketball team and you did. In high school, you were oozing with confidence when you tried out for the highly acclaimed Kentridge Drill Team. I was not surprised that you made the team, despite tremendous pressure, because I knew then, just as I know now, that when you want something, you always put your heart into it.

These were choices that, I think, built your character. You always go for that which draws the best in you. You always know what you want, even if we don’t always agree. I’d like to think that you have learned this quality from me and from your Nanay, but I think that’s giving us too much credit.

When you decided to stay in the dorm during your freshman and sophomore years, I had so many sleepless nights. I was afraid for you. I thought you would spend many nights partying. Not that I distrusted you, but I think it was more a natural reaction from a father who was separated from her 18-year-old daughter for the first time. I am sure Nanay felt the same way.

But, you know what, my fear and apprehensions were baseless. Your dorm experience transformed you into a discerning, hardworking, sociable and independent person. Your decision to join a sorority was a good choice. It further deepened your understanding of social issues and contributed to your being a culturally sensitive person.

You also pushed us a bit when you decided to study for one semester in University of Hawaii. It was a big step for both you and us. We spent so many nights arguing on the pros and cons of this decision. But you showed us that you were capable and responsible enough to be on your own.

Now, with diploma on hand, you are ready to change the fate of mankind. Not quite. And this leads me to my second advice: Listen to your elders. Your elders can be your lolo, your lola, your tita, your tito, your tatay, your nanay, your ate, your kuya, or anyone who has your interest in mind. Trust them because they will not let you down. Occasionally, you may be tempted that you know everything, you may be blinded by your successes, and you may succumb to the unreasonableness of the unquestioning few. When you find yourself in these challenging situations, it’s good to step back and think of the many sacrifices you yourself and those who love you have made so that you will become the woman that you are now. Don’t put these sacrifices to waste.

Let me end with one of my favorite quotations by Dag Hammarskjold, the former United Nations Secretary: “Life yields only to the conqueror. Never accept what can be gained by giving in.”

Congratulations and good luck!

Love,                            

Tatay                            

From left to right: Lynn (my wife), Mutya, me, and Laya (my eldest) who works as a Software Engineer at Siemens here in Seattle.

(Published in the Bicol Mail, Vol. XXI No. 54, June 30, 2005)